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Your husband waltzes in the front door one day and blithely announces that he has a new wife moving in tomorrow and won’t it be fun for the two of you to share him, think, you’ll have someone to go shopping with! The feelings you will feel, shortly before throttling your husband, are akin to the ones that your child feels when you tell him about the impending arrival of his baby sibling. When a child has been an ‘only child’ for a length of time the thought of a stranger or rival can be nerve wracking and how you help your child cope, could have a direct effect on his relationship with his sibling for the rest of their lives.
Your child may start acting aggressively towards you, maybe even trying to hurt your stomach or yourself. Let him know in no uncertain terms, that you will not tolerate him hurting you or the baby. His anger is probably scaring him, just as much as the thought of the impending baby is scaring him. Emphasize the fact that it is okay to be angry but it is not okay to try and hurt either you or the baby, and help him find other ways to express this anger.
Get him used to the idea of siblings. Most homes today have more than one child, so point out what fun a friend's children have together, or talk about your own siblings and how you related to them when you were a child. Talk about cousins and other relatives and let him spend time with them to see how they handle being one of a group of siblings.
Try and get hold of a book or tell him a story about a child in similar circumstances to his. Talk about how frightened the child in the story was that his parents wouldn’t love him as much any more once the baby was there. Talk about ways the child expressed the anger, and if he wants to let him add to the story. Then tell him how much the child's parents loved him, and how it never changed after the new addition arrived. Mention what fun he had with ‘his’ baby once it started to grow up.
Do not let anyone else but you and your partner tell your child about your pregnancy, but do tell him before it gets too obvious. I was thirteen when my mother fell pregnant with my little brother, and as she knew how opposed I was to the idea she was too scared to tell me. I found out when the house started filling with baby clothes. I had a lot of unresolved anger towards her for a long time, though I was besotted with the baby once he arrived and played mom till he was two years old.
Of course the way you handle each child will be different and will relate to the child's age and their willingness to have brothers and sisters. But do get your child used to the idea of changes in the house and get them involved as much as possible with the preparation for the new baby.
Also start encouraging Dad to spend more time with your child. Their bond is going to be especially important when the new baby arrives, and it will help Dad to get used to being up all night so that helping with the newborn and midnight feeds won’t even faze him!
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